two-faced janus

head down hood up

i cower from my own shadow

each corner, a decision with endings unknown

eyes bulging 

which way, no way, no way out

the fingers of fear tickling up my neck

grasp tight, twist, suffocate

the idea of failure has stolen my voice, my breath, my life 

with each day the marks of asphyxiation grow clearer 

thin and purple

poor things don’t even get the chance to yellow and heal

for the next day they’re fresh as ever

a broken girl 

a voiceless girl

haunted with the ghosts of gateways

creaking doors groaning of what could have been, and what will now never be

i am tired of being breathless

i want one gasp of fresh, cold air

i have tried to pry off the invisible, steel fingers 

no luck

no luck

only bad decisions

wrong doors

missed paths 

forgotten gateways.